The Purse-Snatcher; Being an Account of Three Pocketbooks, and What Was Found Therein.
Those of you who are faithful readers (hi, Mom and Dad) will know that my grandparents on my father's side were "keepers." There are those who would say "hoarders", but those people are just jealous. Because they saved everything, I've been lucky enough to wind up with Grandpa's lederhosen, Grandma's kimono, a stack of ladies' magazines from the 1960s, matchbooks from now-defunct Chicago restaurants, and, inexplicably, a 8x10 glossy photograph of my grandfather holding an anteater. So when, a while back, Grandma asked me the electrifying question, "Next time you're here, would you like to go through my old purses?" I said (or maybe screamed) "Yes!!!"
As it turned out, the next time I saw Grandma I was so distracted by her many other electrifying questions ("Are you interested in looking through my college yearbooks?" "Have I told you about when my aunt played calliope in a traveling carnival?" "Would you like a snack?") that I forgot all about the purses. But because she's 96 and her memory is better than mine, she remembered. As I was getting ready to leave, she told me to go to the top shelf of her closet and take any of the purses I wanted. FOR KEEPS.
These are the three I chose. I think you can see that they are sensational. As I was packing them up to leave, Grandma jokingly said that if I found any thousand dollar bills inside, I could keep them. I laughed and took them away unopened because I needed to get to a wedding and was running late due to purse distractions. But later that evening, I found that I had a purse JACKPOT. Below is a record of the treasures I found.
Exhibit A: The Red Clutch.
This purse contained a little magnifying mirror, a pre-threaded needle (how handy can you get???), and this gorgeous handkerchief, which because Grandma and I are related, is conveniently monogrammed with my initial too.
It even has my first initial if you flip it over and blow your nose on the other end.
BOOM. M-Dubs, for the win.
Exhibit B: The navy purse . This one was a real haul. Contents include:
- 2 pencils
- 5 sheets of unused blue scratch paper
- A paper clip
- A rubber band
- A bobby pin
- A desiccated Chiclet
- A number of Band-aids (that aren't actually Band-aids because they're Curad, but you know what I mean)
- Winthrop nasal spray
- A 1965 quarter
- A 1964 penny
- Maybelline eyeliner, dark brown
- My Grandpa's Shell credit card, on which I've covered up part of the number. (HA! FOILED, CROOKS!)
- An envelope addressed to "Occupant" at my grandparents' address promising "Valuable Coupons Inside For New Dove For Dishes And Active All" but actually containing a rather healthy collection of McDonald Plaid, King Korn, and S&H Green Stamps
- And the pièce de résistance, a program to The American College of Physicians Golden Anniversary Session Ladies' Entertainment, an event my grandmother presumably attended the very last time she used this purse, March 22-26, 1965. Again, please note it was the Golden Anniversary Session, which means they were celebrating an institution that had been in existence 3 fewer years than this program has been in my Grandma's purse.
(As a total side note, I would have LOVED to have attended the 12:00 Noon event on Thursday the 25th. I mean, a Smorgasbord Luncheon and Puppet Performance of Kismet in a miniature opera house? That's, like, everything I've ever wanted out of life. But I digress.)
EXHIBIT C: The unassuming blue wallet. This one only contained two items, but they were mighty.
First were these two anonymous membership cards to the Bell's Apple Pickers Club. (I was tempted to fill my name in, but we all know there's no way I can promise To Not Fill My Basket Beyond Reason.)
The second item was this little book, which looks like nothing, especially compared to an Apple Picker's Club Membership Card. But it's actually my favorite item of all: my Grandma's book of check stubs from the summer of 1960.
It turns out Grandma was REALLY good at remembering to fill out her stubs, so I have this awesome living picture of her life one summer 58 years ago. For example:
On August 20, she wrote a check for seven dollars and 17 cents to the Fuller Brush man. Because that's a thing people did 58 years ago.
Another thing people did 58 years ago? Have their TVs repaired. I don't even have a TV, but if I did I'd sure shootin' take it to a place called Elrod's.
And I now know that in the summer of 1960 Aunt Karen was taking swim lessons at the YMCA. I also know that Dad was not, because he had to go to summer school.
Womp womp. Tough luck, Dad. And tough luck for Grandma, too. Swimming lessons were WAY cheaper.
And I don't know what kind of a lemon my grandparents were driving in 1960, but the record shows they got the car repaired on May 20, July 2, August 19, August 19 later-in-the-day, and August 22. Yikes.
And in the meantime, she still had to go to Jewel, and Shoppers World, and get trumpet rosin, and repair Billy's watch, and pay for Jimmy and Karen's music lessons (Karen's were $9 and Jimmy's were $21; Karen continues to be the most cost-effective child), and she had to pay for the Farm Journal cookbooks, and go to the shoe store, and then God bless her, on August 26 she bought herself 2 dresses from Joe Smith and Co., and chances are good I have at least one of those dresses in my possession, because she kept everything and I'm the luckiest girl in the whole USA.
So, no. I didn't find any money. Well, except the 26 cents in the navy purse. But I would way rather have this. A snapshot of my grandma's life 50 years ago, with free gum. Who could ask for anything more?
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