A few weeks ago, with summer rolling to a close, I thought it was time for a good old-fashioned yard party. Now, if you’ve ever met me, you know I never met a theme I didn’t like. And for some reason, my yard parties tend to be themed by locale. You know…Luau, Oktoberfest, Mexican-Christmas-Eve-in-July…the standards. So I tossed around some possibilities from the running list I keep of “Parties It Would Be Fun to Throw” and decided on…
Holiday In Greece!!!
Now, I’m not Greek. Not even a little bit. But here are some things I know about Greeks:
1) Their food is delicious.
2) Their coffee is strong.
3) They’re not real happy about the whole austerity measure thing that’s causing a giant rift between the citizens, the government, and the International Monetary Fund.
That last one seems less applicable to a casual summer party, and I don’t really drink coffee. But I’m totally into the food.
When I first moved to New York, I had a sublet off Ditmars Boulevard in Astoria. It’s a very Greek neighborhood. To give you a sense of just HOW Greek: The other day I was talking to Father Perry at the Orthodox Church in St. Paul (he’s great; ask him for his “How many Orthodox priests does it take to change a lightbulb” joke*) and I mentioned that I used to live off Ditmars. He said “Oh! Those people are REAL Greeks!” And this is coming from a man whose full first name is Perikles, so he knows of what he speaks.
But seriously. This was my local church.
This was my local diner.
And this was my local grocery store. They sold very authentic things like canned octopus in black squid ink, entire skinned sheep, and matzo ball soup. (Because EVERYONE loves matzo ball soup.)
Even the ATMs had Greek as the default language. That may account for some financial missteps in my early 20s, but at least it means I’m also pretty comfortable assembling an authentic Greek menu. Now, I don’t currently have the budget to travel to Astoria for groceries (I blame YOU, Greek ATMs!), but fortunately Bill’s Imported Foods in Minneapolis has about everything you could ask for (including Bill’s Very Charming Nephew.)
I bought olives, and phyllo, and pita, and kefalotyri, and TWO POUNDS of feta. (Bill’s Very Charming Nephew said that if I was going to have it for more than a week, he could put it into liquid for me. When I exclaimed “Oh, this isn’t going to last a week!” he winked and said “Lady, you’re my style.” You are all invited to our wedding.)
As long as I was there a bought a bunch of silly little things for prizes, because a party isn’t a party without games and prizes! I hadn’t figured out the game yet, but the prizes were VERY AUTHENTIC.
Speaking of authentic, while I was in Bill’s, this briki caught my eye. A briki is a tiny long-handled copper pot, in which authentic Greek coffee is made, one serving at a time, over an open flame. Now you’ll recall I don’t personally drink coffee, so I was torn between Authentic Coffee and Authentic Austerity. But I finally gave in, and turns out, you CAN have your Greek semolina cake and eat it too, because when Bill’s Very Charming Nephew thought I wasn’t looking, he rang it up for three bucks instead of the $12.99 it was marked at. (Sigh. If only I’d met HIM in Astoria, instead of Yianni, the Greek filmmaker/magician I ill-advisedly dated for three months, I might think of ALL Greek men as charming, instead of as financially insolvent emotional manipulators with extensive vest collections. Ah well. Live and learn.)
But food alone does not a party make. I still needed a game! Bill’s Very Charming Nephew said the most authentic Greek game he could think of was backgammon, which does not scream “yard party.” So I did what I always do when faced with a quandary: I went to the library.
This is the party-planning and entertaining section of the back stacks at the Minneapolis Public Library. I consider it my own personal collection that I just happen to keep across the river.
I started flipping through books looking for a Greek party for inspiration, and was oddly coming up short.
But finally I found it: a slim volume entitled Windows Open to the World by Dorothy Gladys Spicer. There, sandwiched between “A Lucky Shamrock Party” and “A Supper for Saint Swithin’s Day”, I found it: “A Greek Party for New Year’s Day.”
Now, Dorothy informs me in the introduction that… “Although each of the entertainments that follow is complete…variations may be introduced as desired.” I mean, obvi, if, as Dorothy says, the “real joy comes from planning it myself.” But I was glad she approved variations, because the book was published in 1946 (not the most daring era in terms of ethnic cuisine) and additionally it seemed fairly clear that Dorothy had never actually been to Greece. So with her express permission, I proceeded to alter practically every suggestion she gave.
First order of business: food. I already knew what I wanted, but thought I may as well check out Ms. Spicer’s refreshment recommendations:
Tossed Green Salad
Greek salad? Perfect! Next?
Ripe Olives
Yes, Dorothy. Olives are delicious, and conveniently already purchased!
Cheese
Also, yes. OF COURSE CHEESE.
Dried Fruits and Nuts
Hmmm… Maybe we just put out some fresh green grapes. We good, Dot?
Hot Buttered Poppy Rolls
Okay. I am 99.9% sure this is where Dorothy forgot about Greece altogether and just started listing things in her freezer. But I am Super Authentic, so we’ll have pita instead. (Also, Bill’s Very Charming Nephew doesn’t carry Hot Buttered Poppy Rolls.)
Kurabeeyeh
Now we’re back on track. I’m pretty sure “Kurabeeyeh” is Dot’s close-enough phonetic attempt at kouribiedes, which are these delicious cookies my old diner gave out with the check like fortune cookies. Great idea, Dorothy! I will serve them for dessert with the coffee I make in my new and deeply-discounted briki.
Grape Juice Punch
Dot’s spelling of this is weird too. In Astoria, they spelled it “wine.”
This is where Dorothy’s menu ended, but I decided to bulk it up a little with spanakopita, souvlaki, keftedes, tzatziki, avgolemono, and the melodically-named lahanika sto fourno which translates to the decidedly unromantic “vegetables in casserole.”
It turns out this is an authentic dish for Small Lent, which ends on August 15th. In Greece, August 15th is the Assumption of Saint Mary. In Saint Paul, August 15th is The Date of Melanie’s Greek Party. IT’S MEANT TO BE.
This also seemed like a good starting point for planning games, so I googled “activities for the Assumption of Saint Mary.” Turns out those activities are mostly just “go to church.” In fact I didn’t have a lot of luck finding entertainments at all. Google “Greek games” and you pretty much just get the Olympics and Beer Pong.
So back to Dorothy I went. Mind you, she was celebrating New Year’s and not the Assumption, but I figured there’s no reason to be TOO authentic. (Amirite, Dots?)
She first suggested a group activity making “amusing adaptations of the masks of Greek times, of paper plates with lorgnette-like wire handles.” Truth be told, I do like a good party craft. But she really caught my eye with a game called “Spinning the Hoop for Saint Basil’s Day.” Seeing as it involved hoops, and prizes, and blindfolds, I thought it sounded awfully promising. But nowhere on the internet could I find the slightest hint that such a game ever existed, in Greece or anywhere else. So I decided to skip that game, but still follow Dot’s lead. How, you may ask?
Why, I invented my own Authentic Greek Game, of course!
Behold: The Wheel of Destiny!!!
It’s just an old fall wreath with some crepe paper streamers, each labeled with a letter of the Greek alphabet. (I had to look them up on the internet, as I am neither a theologian nor a sorority girl.)
Next, I made a game board out of my neighbor’s old shipping box covered with reused gift wrap in Greek-y colors. It’s Austeri-Terrific!!!
Finally, fill that grid with the prizes! A jar of Greek honey, a few craft store bottles of olive oil and homemade red wine vinegar, Ouzo flavored soda, a bunch of penny candy. Start the free-download Greek folk music playing, spin the wheel, grab a streamer, and match it to the prize!
But it’s a slippery slope, because this is where the authenticity falls spectacularly apart. First off, because I couldn’t read the labels, some of the penny candy turned out to be Turkish gum, which is notably hard and flavorless. A visit to the gum blog “Tried and Chew” taught me that 1) Some Turkish men chew this for hours on end in an attempt to exercise their way to a chiseled jaw, and 2) I DON’T have the most oddly specific blog in the world.
And then there’s the coffee. I’d pictured myself capably frothing coffee, surrounded by happy friends, bathed in the glow of firelight. But right after the game, it started to POUR, so I ended up making the coffee in my authentic briki over an authentic sterno can in my authentic fondue pot, bathed in the glow of a million dirty dishes. And I ended up with some very authentic Greek Coffee Sludge. But it was fun to try. And Dorothy’s very first rule, in Chapter Number One, is that Parties Are Fun!
But Parties-By-Locale are not ONLY about fun. No, no. Says Dot:
“ During the terrible war years geography suddenly became alive. Strange far-off islands and countries, which hitherto were mere blobs of color on the map, gradually associated themselves with people we knew and loved…Yesterday we spoke in terms of tolerance—a word with a slightly patronizing flavor. Today we think in terms of fellowship, fostered only through the understanding that springs from knowledge.”
YES, DOROTHY. Yes to all that.
Now, Dots wrote this right after the end of World War II. I can only imagine she’d be pretty disappointed that humanity isn’t a little further along with it by now.
So although I ignored virtually every other suggestion she gave, this one I decided to attempt. And that is how I found myself, on the Sunday after the party, in Saint George Greek Orthodox Church, talking to Father Perry. I’ve never attended this church before, because there’s a whole lot of doctrine we really don’t agree about. But like Dot says, friendship only springs from understanding and knowledge, so here are three more things I now know about Greeks:
1) Their church is so shiny!
2) Holy cow, I haven’t smelled that much incense since I was 17, listening to Blind Melon and hanging out at Turtle Hill Beads. (It was the 90s.)
3) If you’re not Orthodox, you can’t take communion. But they give you “welcoming bread” so you don’t feel left out.
That last one is my favorite part. Not the bread itself (which had, if possible, slightly less flavor than Turkish gum), but the fact that even if you’re never coming back, they still want to make sure you have a little snack before you go.
And you know what else I got? Father Perry’s Super Authentic Greek Joke.
*Q. “How many Orthodox Priests does it take to change a lightbulb?”
A. “CHANGE?!?!? Why would we CHANGE?!?!?”
You’re welcome, everybody. Now go spin the Wheel of Destiny.
Follow me on Facebook to keep apprised of the latest adventures!
